Were it all began...

Yup that's really me... that cute little girl making her first communion. Little did I know then how far I would stray from this picture and find myself were I am today.  As you can see I grew up in a Roman Catholic household. We went to church every Sunday and holy days. My parents were involved in the church and still are today . I went through all the years of CCD classes and made my confirmation.. even was a CCD teacher myself to little kids.. The earliest I can remember questioning this path was when I wanted to become an alter boy. It looked like an awesome job and I had faith so why couldn't I do it?  I was told I wasn't allowed because I was a girl. Huh? What?! God wont let me serve him because I am a girl?! That doesn't seem fair.. Back in the 80s there were no female alter helpers.. It was pointed out to me that the title was ALTER BOYS and not girls.  I was so disappointed. I asked what I could be...the answer was a Nun. ummm no thank you I don't want to be that.  I tried down the line to stick to what was being taught to me but in my gut felt that it wasn't what I wanted or even believed.  It was to male dominate for me.  We should be equal not one in front of the other. When I was in the 10th grade it was time to make my conformation and I remember battling myself about this and finally I decided that since this path wasn't for me I shouldn't be standing in front of this God and take a vow I wouldn't keep.  I went to my parents and had a conversation with them and that is when I was told.. "You are going to make your conformation and if you don't you will be grounded until you do or until you turn 18."  Hmmm well guess what I did?  Yup I stood up and made my parents proud and took that vow, while inside I knew it was wrong..  I soon left the church when I was 18 and didn't return to it until I was to get married..  I had to follow all the rule so we could get married in my hometown church. I did and got married.. stayed married for 12 years and after many trips to the church to help with our marriage and me asking tons of questions and getting the same response.. "Because the Lord has said you obey your husband." and "Have faith and ask for forgiveness for your sins."  I finally decided to totally walk away.  It wasnt until I meet a great friend who is a non practicing Pagan that I had found an new and exciting path to check out.